Becoming

From Philosophy Bro’s Epicurus’ “Sovran Maxims”: A Summary 

Why the fuck are people so obsessed with what happens when you die? Look, once you’re dead you can’t feel a goddamn thing, so get over it. We have bigger, more important things to worry about: how to live the good. fucking. life. That’s it - that’s what is important. We’re only here for so long, and if we fail to make the most of it, we have wasted our lives.

Some bros think they need billions of drachmas to live a pleasant life, but while they’re off chasing money and women and conquest, I’m sitting in a comfortable chair, listening to beautiful music and getting my chess the fuck on with my bros. I’m happy as fuck on a philosopher’s income, because it turns out that living the good life is easier than getting Socrates’ friends to agree to something. Our very nature which drives us to seek pleasure also makes it easy to attain: we just have to get rid of pain. That’s it. Remove anything that causes pain, chill the fuck out, high five everyone because you’re awesome; fucking lather, rinse, repeat. The greatest source of pain is fear, and the secret to removing pain is to be wise, honorable, and just.

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People hear “The pleasant, pleasurable life is the good life” and they go running off without figuring out what that means. So they get hammered and have rampant, orgiastic sex with tons of hotties while gorging themselves on delicious foods. Yeah, that sounds fucking awesome, and I’m sure it feels great. What bro hasn’t dreamed of that life? Except the next day they’re hungover, bloated, and have to deal with a bunch of needy women. No pleasure is bad, but sometimes the source of pleasure is the source of even more pain. If you’re trying to satisfy the flesh, good fucking luck - it can’t be done. There isn’t some magic number you have to reach and that’s it - the more you feed it, the more it wants; if we can do without a pleasure, and not feel pain in wanting it, then cut it the fuck out; it’s not worth the trouble, and eventually you’ll regret it. Wisdom tells us what shit we can cut out, so we don’t have to deal with those sorts of shenanigans.

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A wise man doesn’t fear the elements, and a just man doesn’t fear his friends, and an honorable man doesn’t fear anything else. Look, I get it, not everyone sees things the way I see them, and not everyone wants what I want. Whatever, bros. But I deal with them honorably, treating them as friends instead of as strangers, and we agree to disagree. What benefit is fighting with them? Why bother antagonizing them? Spite isn’t going to make me happy - better to leave them alone, to act honorably and charitably. After all, I have everything I need, and nothing bothers me.


So if you want to be happy, simplify your shit. Make enough money to be comfortable, then get comfortable, you and your best bros, and then live happily in their company for the rest of your goddamn life. When you finally die, they won’t mourn you, as if your life was pitiable - they’ll celebrate, because you, sir, were a fucking bross.  

LMFAO. This guy is fantastic. Gotta love his renditions of Greek Philosophy. I’m now curious about the actual work of Epicurus. Added to “To Read List”